Worst Jokes Ever
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
Mom: Go clean your room, Little Johnny.
Little Johnny: No, it’s my room.
Mom: Well, it’s my house.
Little Johnny: Then go clean it.
Mom: Go to school!
At school:
Teacher: Hi, Little Johnny. You’re late.
Little Johnny: Watch because my son of a bitch mom told me to clean her room. I told her no, it’s my room, and then she said, 'Well, it’s my house.' Then I said, 'Go clean it,' and then she told me to go to school.
Teacher: Johnny, go to the principal’s office! You just came into school and now you're causing trouble. Go!
Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:
White person: Dad, you're home!
Black person: Dad?
White person: You can keep the change.
Black person: Empty the register.
Explain bear.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?
Stick a chicken wing up there.
Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.
What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?
"Nice tits."
Water was found on Mars.
Mars: 1 Africa: 0
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
My grandad and your hairline go way back.
You can’t say “dwarf” anymore; you have to say “little people”.
You can’t say “fat”; you have to say “plus size”.
You can’t say “retard”; you have to say “democrat”.
I like my women like I like my scotch:
12 years old and mixed with coke.
I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead because of you.
Actually, not because of you... because of your face.
Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.
I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.
Mom: Clean your room! Me: No, it’s my room, and I don’t want to clean it. Mom: You are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter. Me: Well, I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now, am I? You are the worst. Why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter? I’m not her, OK? I am not her, so stop! Mom: Do you know what? I pushed you out of my hula for 43 minutes! Do not make me hate you, because guess what? I brought you into the world, and I can take you out of it! Me: Bro.
A black lady goes inside the drug store on Eight Mile Road in the city of Detroit, Michigan, and asks the pharmacist, "I would like to buy a box of tampons."
And then the black lady is asked by the pharmacist, "Do you want to buy the box of mini pads, or do you want to buy the box of maxi pads?"
And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"
And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"
And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."