Worst Jokes Ever
DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:
* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"
*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"
Depressed caller: "I'm done with everything!"
Responder: "Please hang on!"
My science teacher asked me what is found inside cells.
I guess "blacks" wasn't the right answer.
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.
What has four legs and works at McDonald's?
The remaining members of Nirvana.
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
Why is the fat man roping himself to the side of a mountain?
So he doesn't roll back down!
What is Uludağ made from? Dog pee!
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?
Project-childs.
(Projectiles)
Akbar: How many crows are there, Birbal?
Birbal: 8,971.
Akbar: What if there are fewer?
Birbal: Then some crows went on vacation to visit their relatives.
Akbar: What if there are more?
Birbal: Then some came on vacation here to visit their relatives.
Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.
Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.
Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."
Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.
He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.
I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.
What do you call a black couple who's on welfare and food stamps?
Lay-Z and Freeyonce
What is the difference between a man and a woman packing boxes?
The man says, "I have everything I need."
The woman says, "I love everything I have."
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.