Worst Jokes Ever
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?
A black woman dressed for church.
Why do women hate having sex with midgets?
Because of their shortcomings.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
Alien vs. Predator.
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.
I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
Don't commit suicide, that would make DJUNGELSKOG sad!
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?
Chuck Norris threw a grenade once. It killed 300 people.
And then it exploded.