Worst Jokes Ever
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
What do you call a rapper with a cold?
Lil Sneezy.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity, it's impossible to PUT DOWN!
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can FEEL it!
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”
Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”
Condom: “Hahaha...”