Worst Jokes Ever
What did the builder say after the foundation?
"Employees!"
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.
After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw a wok down the stairs.
What's Elizabeth Warren's nickname?
Pocahontas
What did the Indian say when the pizza was delivered to him?
"Hey! Who puked on the frybread?"
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one!
What do you call a woman who sleeps with multiple men?
A whore.
Abortions are a way for whores to dodge accountability.
It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard.
Smoking a fag in the UK means to smoke a cigarette.
Smoking a fag in the USA means to kill a homosexual.
"I think my baby is so similar to me!"
"True, but the most important thing is that he is healthy!"
Two needles go to the river. One of them says, "I'm sorry!"
I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.
I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."
Did you know that soccer fields aren't made of 4 million crayons? They are actually made from grass. :)
A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.
After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"
The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."
Did you hear about the tourist that came to New York? Good, because they were a terrorist... When they were asked why they were traveling, they just mispronounced it.
How do terrorists feed their babies?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
What is 6-inch long, in every men's pants or hands, and girls want?
- A smartphone, freak.