Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.
Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?
Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.
Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
Hitler.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, and the middle one is for you.
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
Swallow cum, not gum.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.