Worst Jokes Ever
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
Your clown is so stupid it took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
Two guys are on a plane. One of the guys' name is Jack. The other is Peter.
Peter: "Hi Jack."
Flight Attendant: "You're going to hijack the plane?!?"
Jack: "No, my name is Ja-"
Flight Attendant: "Everybody stay calm! These two men are going to hijack the plane!"
Jack: "No, no. My name is Jack and my friend here is an idiot."
Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.
My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
What is a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross-country!!!
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
My grandad killed Hitler. He was such a great man!