Worst Jokes Ever
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
Explain Bear, I want to kiss you.
Explain bear.
Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
My grandad and your hairline go way back.
In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.
Why can't the orphan take a family photo?
Answer: The orphan has no family to take a picture with.
What's a Mexican's favorite video game?
Borderlands.
What kind of experience does a feminazi have for being a feminist?
Being a bitch.
What do orphans play on Roblox?
Adopt Me.
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
To make tea, road, road, road, road.
Case.
The space of space, Der der.
The chosen week was chosen.
Object.
Der mezzer lakes.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
Iran: Prepare the FINAL SOLUTION.
Israel: And you'll be telling the whole world, "I-RAN AWAY!"
Americans leave without saying goodbye.
Russians say goodbye without leaving.