Worst Jokes Ever
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?
Can I push your stool in for ya?
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.
A hillbilly female has to decide if she would save her brother or her boyfriend. She chose both because her brother is her boyfriend.
Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.
What is the order of finish?
1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.
2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.
3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand up.
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
Make a wish.
Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.
Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?