Worst Jokes Ever
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
"Dick dick dick, fuck dick nugget shit."
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo?
A selfie.
What is a female gamer's favorite part of the controller?
The joystick.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.
One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.
One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.
The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"
Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."