Worst Jokes Ever
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.