Worst Jokes Ever

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.

My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.