Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

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  • Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

    A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

    The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"

    She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."

    The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"

    The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"

    "That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"

    The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

    There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.

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  • Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?

    Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.

    Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...

    Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.

    What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

    Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

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  • Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?

    Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"