Worst Jokes Ever

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)

I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"

If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.

Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Michael Jackson.

Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?

A. Rape babies.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Even Steph Curry can't hit threes from behind your hairline.

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.

What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?

When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."

I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.

What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?

A blender.

Roses are red, Obama is well spoken, I'm sorry sir, but the ice cream machine is broken.

What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"

Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."

Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

This is nothing to do with 9/11, but this is my best joke.

What do you call a Paki in a microwave?

Pting pting pting.

Fancy playing rodeo sex?

"OK then," she said!

Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!