Worst Jokes Ever
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."
What's the difference between a piranha and a teenage girl?
The piranha doesn't wear makeup.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.