Worst Jokes Ever
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
What bee doesn’t fly properly?
Kobe.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
Have you guys heard about the crazy shadow glitch in the game Sonic X? Just google "Sonic X Shadow."
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"