Worst Jokes Ever
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.
Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.
Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."