Worst Jokes Ever
A kindergarten teacher is chatting with little John. The teacher asks John, "John, can you get me some pencils?" John replies, "Sure, I'll do it!" and accidentally knocks over a vase.
The teacher says, "Oh, John!"
John asks, "What does that mean?" The teacher replies, "It's kind of a synonym for 'You loser!'"
A long-haired child once took a bite of Chuck Norris's brain. He later became known as Albert Einstein.
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
What happens to an Indian's doorbell when you ring it?
A ring-a-ding-a-ding.
What's the best part about duck tape?
It turns "No, no, no!" into "Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm!"
It makes it real easy to get to home base on that first date, too.
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
Why does the Marine Corps have the best uniforms?
Because the Navy wants their bitches to look nice.
What does Marine stand for?
My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment
What does Marine stand for?
Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Expected
What does Army stand for?
Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet.
Why are Black people afraid of ghosts?
Because ghosts remind them of the KKK.
What do women and appliances have in common?
If they don't work, hit them until they work.
I am so cool that even the fridge or a snowman would shiver his timbers when they see me :).
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
If being near immortal was a normal thing i bet wanting to die wouuld've been too
Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.
It's not good without the cheese.
Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?
Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"
*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"
Depressed caller: "I'm done with everything!"
Responder: "Please hang on!"