Worst Jokes Ever
Joke.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Why are Muslims terrible at football?
Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A double chinkey.
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
What do you call a man with no legs?
Neil (kneel)
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.