Worst Jokes Ever

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

What do you call a private nun?

Nun-o-yo-business.

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?

He was always tardy.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Read the title.

Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.

I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

What food does a cheetah eat?

Fast food.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!

Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.

I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.

Joke.

What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?

"They see me rolling, they hatin'."

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Why are Muslims terrible at football?

Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.

How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?

You move all of the furniture around.

What do you call a fat Chinese man?

A double chinkey.

Why did the Canadian cross the road?

To say sorry to the other side.