Worst Jokes Ever

You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.

Women's rights.

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.

How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.

I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...

All I got was "error 404 page not found."

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.

So, Duracell batteries do run out.

I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.

Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.

What do French ducks say?

Quoi quoi.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?

They are always swinging a stick.

I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."

Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?

Child predators: "You're so six-y."

His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.

A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"

What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?

My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.