Worst Jokes Ever
Q. What do a one-story house and an Alzheimer's victim have in common? A. Nothing going on upstairs.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
"Now buzz off" - Explain Bear
There are people weirder looking than me.
Like who?
Like people with Down syndrome.
I tried to rape Amy Winehouse, but she said, "No! No! No!"
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
What do you call a gay T-Rex?
A tyranno-sore-ass!
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?
Because a black person was approaching.