Worst Jokes Ever

Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.

You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.

Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.

Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.

A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.

The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"

Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.

Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

China has a population of a billion people. One billion.

That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out the W's.

Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.

Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.

Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.

When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!

UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!

Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!

Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."

Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.

My life, your life, and your sister is a slut.

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Please End My Depression And Suffering.

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.