Worst Jokes Ever
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
This is a joke in itself.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.