Worst Jokes Ever

"Stop being racist. You wouldn't put that for blacks."

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.

God creating cats.

GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.

ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?

GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

Then the antidote becomes the most important.

Digging stuff up is too hard.

I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.

I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.

Wanna hear a racist joke?...

Donald Trump.

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.

If at first you don't succeed,

Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.

A starving homeless kid asks me for food.

I said, "sorry, my plate is full."

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless.

So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She's retarded.

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

What's fast and almost got away?

A Mexican jumping the border.

I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.