Worst Jokes Ever
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
This is a joke in itself.