Worst Jokes Ever
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
A starving homeless kid asks me for food.
I said, "sorry, my plate is full."
Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.
Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)
Boobless.
So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She's retarded.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.
Why don't dinosaurs lay eggs?
Because they're EGGstinct!
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Crackers.
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."