Worst Jokes Ever
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
Yo mama is so black that she has her own solar system.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
Ever since convicted New York State felon Donald John Trump has taken office, the Canada-US border has been a mess of tariffs, counter-tariffs and boycotts.
And where does it end? I just got served a salad with 500 Islands in the dressing instead of a thousand. The price was the same.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
Why is Transgender Day of Visibility on April Fool's Day?
Because all trannies are clowns and no one takes them seriously.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
I'm the autism.
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
What's a cancer patient's favorite food?
Kentucky Fried Chemotherapy