Worst Jokes Ever
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
One day Johnae said, "What do you call a family outing?"
"Incest."
Low key Johnae fucks Kirby and Peach.
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
Oliver Savage and Dr. Mummy.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.