Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
It didn’t, it ran because it was running from KFC.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
This page could use more "butt quack" jokes.
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
You know what’s impossible?
Steven Walking.
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
Man: What's up?
Me: I'm annoyed.
Man: Why?
Me: I stole my gf's heart.
Man: So why are you annoyed?
Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.
I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.