fat kid jumps in the pool. the popular girl: I thought there was going to be a tsunami. the fat kid: I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean.
yo mama so stupid she shoved a battery up her but and said ̈I GOT THE POWER ̈
What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?
Steven Hawking after a house fire.
Man: aw man im having a bad day Man's friend:same Man:so why did you have a bad day my brother got hit by the school bus Man's friend: i got fired as a bus driver Man: oh great heavens
what do you call a black person going down a waterslide? sewage
Why do cops never put orphans is jail Because they aren't wanted
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen
You know when people say a joke about living?
That's because we are all living a joke
wanna know why kobe can't shoot
because he's dead
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're InDepEndent womem after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist. Or join in the fun
I cried when my dad cut up onions, Onions was a good dog.
there are perks to bringing a emo to the grocery store you can get coupons by scanning their wrist
what did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob.... if we dont get some support soon people will start to think we are balls.
why does the orphan have water with its cereal?
their dad never came back with the milk
Shit if somebody invades America the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go. We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets have become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out? Hell the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have comedy central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the united states. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
Why do they call Melenia Trump the "Walk-In Freezer"?
Answer; Because it's where EVERYONE GOES to "Hang Their Meat"!
roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish
What kind of bees produce milk? Boobees.
If a pirate was a pervert he would say “are you ready kid?”
