Worst Jokes Ever

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.

Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍

How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.

Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?

A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.

"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.

I'm not into scatplay. In fact, I think that shit's disgusting.

Trump's releasing the files.

To catch all the pedophiles.

He didn't know Epstein.

Didn't touch any teens.

I tried to rape Amy Winehouse, but she said, "No! No! No!"

Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

Why do the French eat snails?

They don't like fast food.

Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.

What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.

Why did the lettuce win the race?

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."