Worst Jokes Ever
A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.
The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"
"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"
The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.
The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."
What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.
Hey, dude man. I'm a dude man.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.
What's 6 plus 7?
67.
You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.
Yo mama must be a giant, 'cause my Mini P.E.K.K.A. goes berserk on her!
Your mum is a Rune Giant.
I'm Canadian, and I admit we've done some stupid things. But we've never given nuclear launch codes to a literal retard.
Why do leftists strive for a literate population?
So people can understand their wall of text memes.
Why is Marcus gay? Because he's gay.
Your hairline is so far back, even the Flintstones knew of it.
USA: "Never forget 9/11."
Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"
World leaders are so old, they've got nostalgia for the Cambrian explosion.
How do you torture an autistic dude? Start a staring contest.
Why is Ahmed gay? Because he created 9/11. Hahahahahahahhahahahahaa
Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.
The best and worst part about being bi:
Best: Double the love, double the fun.
Worst: Double the love, double the loneliness.
In the Robocide, Explain Bear is the first to go.