Worst Jokes Ever

When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"

If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?

I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!

Thank you, anonymous user, for helping me with math a few months ago.

Now I got a 31 on the ACT.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.

Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?

A. An ambulance.

Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?

A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.

Incest.

When your genealogy chart is a straight line.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)

Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?

They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.

"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."

"Others, Morris, Sal, Sal, Rasuba Marid, Things!"

My son is broken: "I think at home!"

Happiness!

Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.

Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!

When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."

"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."

Life's full of ups and downs :D <3

What do you call a 90-year-old black man?

Antique farming equipment.