Worst Jokes Ever

What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?

Beat it.

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.

Explain Bear is my favorite.

Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.

Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?

My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:

Starters - role play and stripping.

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.

Dessert - Blowy.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?

Strong to the finish.

You're so skinny that a Wi-Fi signal is stronger.

We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

What is the favorite city of the pedophile icon? Paris.

I'd say you were the spawn of Satan, but that would be an insult to Satan.

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”