Worst Jokes Ever

Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?

Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.

What show has something orphans will never have?

American Dad!

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

Why can't fat kids change a tire?

They would eat the donut.

Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"

Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."

"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."

Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?

A. A Notsee.

Why did Hitler keep on f***ing England?

Because it had a Great Booty!

What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?

A human chandelier.

"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."

What’s better than the best thing ever?

Me being mod.

"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"

I wasn't going to tell another rape joke but fuck it.

"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."