Why do people who get shot in the head always becomes therapists?
They are more open-minded.
If you drink hand sanitizer does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........đź’€
Why are women like KFC?
After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
When can an elephant us an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
Yo mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale, it says "to be continued"
What's the difference between a piranha and a teenage girl?
The piranha doesn't wear makeup.
A boy asks his father:
What is politics?
Father answers:
It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business . Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future.
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
So, can you now explain to me what politics is?
The boy says:
Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
When the teacher gives me a F on my exam
But I have a AK-47 in my backpack
*is honestly the best policy*
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.
How many Karen's does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo I got a glock and it’s pointing at you
Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
my aunt used to say "slow and steady wins the race". she died in a fire.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
Christopher’s Mom said one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Turns out Christopher was adopted.