Worst Jokes Ever

I should probably stop making abortion jokes.

After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?

They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.

What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?

A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.

If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.

I don't laugh at Trump.

I was taught to NEVER make fun of the mentally handicapped.

When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.

She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.

I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

*walks in store* OH LITTle debhehe's!

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.

What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"

Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.

Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)