Worst Jokes Ever

The Towers wanted pepperoni pizza, but they got planned.

Your mama is so fat that when she jumped, they found water on Mars.

If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

What do you call a Black Iron Man?

Robert Browny Jr.

If Huggy and Kissy ever had a kid, they would have a good lunch. *evil laugh* 😈

What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?

A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.

I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? A Drive-Thru.

What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?

Drowning Pool - Bodies.

Yo mama is so fat that even CaseOh couldn't bang her.

If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"

A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.

Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"

A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.

The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"

"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"

The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.

The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."

What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.

Hey, dude man. I'm a dude man.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.