Worst Jokes Ever

What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?

You’ve got to get more than one down.

What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?

I pull out of the driveway.

What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?

One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"

The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."

How do terrorists feed their children?

"Here comes the airplane!"

Orphans get family-sized chips for free.

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pizzas and they only got plain: one came late, and then went to the wrong location.

The Twin Towers were mad at each other, so they all just started launching planes at themselves.

What’s the best part about raping a blind girl? She’ll never see you coming.

I started crying when my dad cut up onions.

Onions was such a good hamster.

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.

What do renovators and lesbians have in common?

They're both not interested in exposed wood, apparently.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They won't be able to find home.

When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.

Your hairline is so bad, I do your mom so hard!

Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?

A: A tater tot.

How do you think they found out cows produce milk?

Two kids having fun in the barn.

Who lives under the sea?

Malaysia flight 370.

What’s an orphan’s favorite drink?

Foster’s.

You will find Taylor Swift on the streets before you find your hairline.

Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?

It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.