Worst Jokes Ever
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
What do you call intelligent people in America?
Tourists.
Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.
Yo mama so ugly even bullets refuse to kill her.
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama's so ugly, she could make an onion cry.
Yo mama so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
I feel like the Twin Towers, I’m broken.
You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!
You're so awesome that the word 'awesome' demanded its title back!
You're so cool that celebrities take pictures of you.
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.