Witherspoon jokes

How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

"What do we want?"

"HEARING AIDS!"

"When do we want them?"

"HEARING AIDS!"

Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.