There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
Who are the worlds fastest readers? 911 victims 100 stories in 11 seaconds
What do you call a male cow who’s taking a nap?
A bull dozer
To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)
Who would win?
The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,
Or one horny Henry?
Who is king of the insects?
The Monarch.
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.
Cock cock, who's there? Nobody.
Stephen Hawking:
Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?
A:) Tesla
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the knuckle head's house... Knock Knock..... (Who's there?).... The chicken
Who is the smartest student in school?
The scholar.
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife
