Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world? A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.
"Knock know" "Who's there" "Doctor" "Doctor who"
"Doctor who"
My "parents" are so dumb. Who tf names their son "Lydia"?
Knock knock Who’s there Ligma Ligma who Ligma bum crack
Don't go to ghostposter.com. The person or persons who run that site are a fucking bunch if dumb fucking cunts who can suck my big cock.
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?
I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"
She said, "Yes."
"Knock knock."
I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
What do you call a cow who walks on two legs?
Lean beef.
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.
For 20 seconds.
And only once... :(
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back.
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs
What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus
Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy
