UN jokes

So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.

One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.

What's the difference between a feminist and Kim Jong Un?

Kim Jong Un has rights.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.

Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.

1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!

What are the similarities between orphans and unripe strawberries?

None of them get picked.

Guys, what do you call an un-aborted and parentless child?...

An orphan.

I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.

I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.

What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!

Why don't we wrestle bears?

The pain is un-bearable.

In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"

In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"

What is an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang. Unlike its parents, it comes back.

Who is the most horny and fat ass god?

Kim Jung Un.

What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?

... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.

Why did the Italian cross the road?

C'era un uliveto.

Repeat after me...

Me: "You have a weird style."

Mom: "You have a weird style."

Me: "Um, not your mirror!" *runs away*

Ça sent quoi un pète de clown? (Ça sent drôle!)