Ultimate jokes
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.
Me: "I came home laughing."
Parents: "What's wrong?"
Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."
Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"
Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."
Parents: "What is it?"
Me: "Who farted?"
The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.