Worst Jokes Ever

What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?

A Kinder Surprise.

Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?

Because he successfully finished a race!

I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?

Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.

The only reason why Murrikkkunts think Canada isn't free is because incest is illegal in Canada, in which one can face a sentence as long as 14 years in prison if convicted.

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."

They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.

He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.

Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.

But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.

There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok.

What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.