New Told Jokes - Page 10 - Worst Jokes Ever

When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.

I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number. We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden

Just told Putin to get some b*tches.

Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

I met a baseball player , so I told him to make a home run , and he just looked at me with sadness I don't know why

By the way he was an orphan

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

i told a blind kid “see you later”

Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

Bully: How would you know that?

Me: Because she told me herself.

Bully: How exactly?

Me: She's on the phone right now.

Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

Me: Told you so!

One time Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise. No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style. His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.

So, I don't want anyone taking this the wrong way, people are free to be whatever they feel they are and that's not anyone elses choice.

BUT!!!!!!

I personally have my own feelings on 'churches and christianity'. I feel that it is against The God Delusion and is an abomination to the anyone who has half a braincell. I know plenty of christian people and I respect that! NO REALLY I DO. My best friend is a dumbass christian just like you are, and I respect thats how she feels, and I'm glad that she made her choice. But I don't love it when people promote this stuff, because it is what the morons are tricking everyone into doing/being. Falling into the brainwashed act is NOT something you should ever want to do. As someone who has some intelligence, this is not okay in my sense.

As someone who isn't a aussie, I note that Idfk what this is:" The people who defended Australia get 2 days, rememberance day and Anzac day + 1 minute of silence." BUT the christianism community get YEARS IN THIS DUMB WORLD where they are told that they are 'special' and 'normal, like everyone else'. Which is really unfair and in a way, biast. I was only 7 when I recognized this just from being told at school by all the kids in my class that they are either CHRISTIAN or support it.

I know and understand I will get alot of hate from this I also don't give a shit, but please remember that its just my thoughts and opinion. Thankyou for reading. :)