Told Jokes

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.

I told a furry, "Don't call yourself a joke!" I said to the furry, "Joke has meanings."

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."

When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.

I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

Just told Putin to get some b*tches.

Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.

I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.

By the way, he was an orphan.

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)