The jokes
Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?
I told him to be a stand-up comedian!
Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."
The kid: But it has no home button.
Me: Exactly. 💀
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
Why did the orphan go to the playground?
To see if it could find its parents.
Why was 10 scared because it was in the middle of 9/11?
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
The F in orphans stands for family...
Why do midgets laugh while they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
Child abortion is like tax evasion: the more you lose, the less problems you have.
Why is 10 so scared? Because he is right in the middle of 9/11.
Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
The salad could be dressing!
Smash or pass?
"Smash," said the iceberg.
TItanic:...
My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.
I worry about him sometimes.
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.
What is a dry swimmer?
Not in the water...
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they take all the green cards.
Yo mama so fat, it took your dad eight years to come back with the milk.
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.