The jokes
Why is the fanny flat? Because so it can flop about.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.
Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?
They had better reflexes than the trading center.
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked!
What’s the issue with 9/11 jokes?
They never land.
Just like the planes.
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
Seeing so many balding college students is so sad. Like, why the fuck is your hairline graduating before you?!?
If the USA is so good,
Why did they make a USB?
I've started playing the triangle for a reggae band. It's pretty casual.
I just stand at the back and ting.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.
It's still depression, by the way.
Why did Jesus create the Devil?
He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.
I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Anne Frank is still the Nazi hide-and-go-seek champion.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."