The jokes

What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?

Play pretend dog in the bed.

What was the Twin Towers favorite game? Jenga.

What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?

They both take it in the back and go woop woop.

POV: The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.

:me😐

"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."

What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?

Both get food thrown at them some of the time.

What's the same about a newborn and a football?

You can kick them both very easily.

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

What do you call a group of depressed people? The Suicide Squad.

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snowballs!

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

It's not funny to joke about orphans. Without any education, they'd never understand what the jokes mean.

It isn't funny to joke about 9/11. The jokes tend to crash and burn.

Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

I was the person that flew into the Twin Towers. I have two friends that are both twins, and whenever they speak, I tell them to shut up because if they don't, I'll make myself explode in them.

Everyone at the Queen's funeral:

Me and the boys getting her reboot card.

Why was the emo jealous of the orange?

It came precut.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they asked if I could pilot a plane.

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.