The jokes
I don’t see what the problem is.
The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!
By the way, infertility is hereditary:
If your parents did not have children, you will not have any.
What happened when the emo kid gave the tree a high five? It left him hanging.
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?
Because it's the average class size.
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the Leaning Tower of Pisa?
The Leaning Tower of Pisa has good reflexes.
There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.
Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple tray?
The apples get picked.
Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
Why is the orphan cold?
'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.