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The jokes

Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.

Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

Officer: You OK, kid?

Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

When officer leaves:

Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War.

"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"Remember, switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.