The jokes
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
Yo momma so fat, when she farted the Big Bang occurred.
Even the Twin Towers got a better upgrade than your ugly ass.
Why is September 11th the best birthday?
Everyone remembers it! :)
What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?
Shoot kids in them ;)
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?
The Chinese kid has a home.
What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't wanna hang out.
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
I have fuck and sex with all the sexy naked ladies and they suck my balls (penis), but you ain't have no girlfriend. Your only friend, they call him ching chong coz of your hairline.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
I put the fun in funeral.
The Twin Towers are like Jenga; you yell "towers falling!"
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
Yesterday I got detention because I said to the emo kid, "Come hang with us."
Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!