The jokes
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
Why did Jake cross the road? To get a Hagen Daz bar.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book has papers.
What did one Justin say to the other Justin?
- Fuck you.
What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.
What did the atom say to the positive in math class? "We could make a positive number!"
What did the atom say to the other atom?
"Did you see the new Tron movie?"
All Mia needs to destroy the evil young girl in Resident Evil 7 Biohazard, was using a pedophile instead of serum.
What's the difference between a 14-year-old boy and an 8-year-old boy?
The 14-year-old is on top, the 8-year-old is on the bottom.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a politician in the jungle yesterday?
I hear it hurt like hell.
OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.
But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!