The jokes
A girl said, "Suck my dick," and the man went, "I have boobs."
There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.
When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
Who make hard candy for the kids?
Solve.
Me: Hey, what book are you reading?
Him: "The Twisted Ones."
Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.
Why did the blonde run outside naked?
She thought the steam was a gas leak.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter, he's dead.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, the earth falls out of the Solar System.
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
Why couldn't the dinosaur clap? They're dead!
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
I’m bone to be wild!
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin!
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them.
My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"