The jokes
What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to?
The Monkees and Gorillaz.
Yo mama's so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Why did the legless kid think he won a race?
Because everybody already left.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
Curiosity killed the cat.
But for a while, I was a suspect.
How do crazy people get through a forest?
They take the psycho-path!
What did the shoes say to the pants?
"SUP, BRITCHES!"
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.