The jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!
Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
The microwave doesn't brown the meat.
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
Question: What do you call 8 apples?
Answer: The iPhone 8.
Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!
Why did the robot cross the road?
Because he was programmed by the chicken!
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves!
JK, he hasn't opened it yet.
The radio is a player—it always gets turned on by lots of different people.
An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.
The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
The ice cream man tried to murder me today.
I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.
I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."
Who's never the last man standing?
Stephen Hawking.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"