The jokes
What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.
Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?
Because the sign says "No Tres passing."
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.