The jokes
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
What do you call a Jedi that can use the force to fly?
A Jedi Flight.
What was purple and conquered the world?
Alexander The Grape.
What college do cows go to?
The Mooniversity.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.
Yo mama so fat, she fell into a pond and all the fish drowned.