The jokes
Why couldn't the bicycle stand? It was two tired...
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
What did the clock say when it got punched at noon?
It’s twelve o'clock.
What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT.
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
Why did everyone quit the high school volleyball team? To join Coach Kyle's team, of course!