The jokes
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
Curiosity killed the cat.
But for a while, I was a suspect.
How do crazy people get through a forest?
They take the psycho-path!
What did the shoes say to the pants?
"SUP, BRITCHES!"
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
Why did Jake cross the road? To get a Hagen Daz bar.