The jokes

An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"

Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"

Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."

What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?

"This taste a little funny."

Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

What's the best part about having emo grass?

It cuts itself!

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"

What's the difference between an onion and a baby?

One makes you cry when you cut it up.

The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.

I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken.

What did the frog say to the pedophile?

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?

"I look like an umbrella."

What is the smallest room in the world?

A mushroom.

I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.

I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.

My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."

Get it? I read? No... ok.

Hello, Brudas, my name Badabeeyeabolamazoqanba. I, forty-eight-year man from Somalia. Sorry for bad England. I sold my wife for internet connect, and I am level thirteen in Roblacks. If you want to get batter in Roblacks, contact me at Gmail@borakoobama. Send me your bank account information and password. Than I well give you all the cotton you desire. Sorry for bad spelling. I kindergarden dropout.

Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?

A: An egg gets laid.

Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.