The jokes
What did the grape say to the banana? "Stop graping me!"
Where did the cake sleep on the stove?
In a pan.
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...
I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.
You know the sport that Mexicans are good at?
Cross-country.
Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?
Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?
The "Ching Chang Gang."