The jokes
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.
What kind of knight puts dumb jokes on the internet?
You!
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.
One day, this dad and his son went to a basketball factory, and the son said, "I want to buy some balls." The dad said, "What for?" The son said, "So you can have some balls."
Stephen Hawking walked to the shop.
I lied 😄
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
Q: Why did the blind man fall into the well?
A: Because he couldn't see that well.
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims, they went through 72 stories in less than 10 seconds.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove box.
What is the spiciest meat ever? Pepperoni.
Kid: “What happened to Dad?”
Mom: “He flew into the Twin Towers.”
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
The wheels on the wheelchair go round and round.
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.