The jokes

What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."

How do you blow up an Indian person?

You press the red button.

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

How did the skeleton know it was about to rain?

"Because he felt it in his bones?"

No,

He read the weather app, you idiot.

What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

You can't fuck a rock.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

What time did the man go to the dentist at? Two-thirty.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.

What's the city with the fastest growing population?

Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!

I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?

Kurt Cobain's microphone.

What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?

The wall behind him :)

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the ground.

What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?

Only one of them is scared.

A pirate walked into a bar with his ship's steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, "Hey! What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate says, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"

Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"

Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?

Please take this down, it's not funny at all!

It's a joke, not a dick, so don't take it so hard!

Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!

Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!

Women, go chop some lumber!

White people, get back into the cotton fields!