The jokes

What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.

My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.

What's the time?

How would I know?

How do Chinese people name their children?

They drop a tin can down a flight of stairs and call them the sound that's made.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"

What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?

The women.

I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.

My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.

Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?

Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.

What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?

Baby Jesus died a virgin.

Why did the Mafia cross the road?

Forget about it...

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Just cut the rope.

What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."

- One of the thousands of missing children.

Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?

They'll end up only throwing the pin.

A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".

Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.