The jokes
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"
Blind guy says, "Just looking around."
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?
He has no legs...
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
Why did the cow steal an AK-47?
He was a mooslim.
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.